When I first moved to San Francisco in 2008, so many people I met believed that with a good idea and a $500 computer they could change the world. The self-assuredness of the tech industry at that time, deluded or not, made me feel like whatever I wanted to accomplish was possible.
I hadn’t lived in a place with that kind of optimism before.
I came from a place where most people’s aspirations usually didn’t reach much higher than to take over their dad’s plumbing business one day. Feelings about the tech industry have changed since those heady days when everyone wanted to make the next sexting app, but there’s still a spirit in San Francisco that I love.
There’s another side to San Francisco as well: stress from working long hours, high rents, and pressure from being around so many people who, until they moved here, were used to being the smartest person in the room.
As a therapist here, I work with anxiety, depression, and other common disorders, but I also work a lot with these problems of everyday living. Sometimes, I hear from friends dealing with these kinds of problems that it’s hard to find a therapist.
So I thought I would write a guide for people who don’t have an easy label for their problems and so can’t Google “OCD therapist near me” or something similar.
Find a Therapist Who Gets You
It’s important to find a therapist who you like on a personal level.
A therapist who you feel “gets” you, who you can trust, who helps make sense of what you discuss, and with whom you can have a good working relationship. That doesn’t have to be a stereotypically touchy-feely therapy relationship, though there’s nothing wrong with that either.
You might want a therapist who will be more confrontational or directive as opposed to just listening. Whatever your preferences, it’s important not to settle. Even if it’s a hassle, interviewing multiple therapists is a great time investment.
Find a Local Therapist
Since the pandemic, many therapists work online or a hybrid of online and in person. Any therapist licensed in California could work with someone here in San Francisco. On one hand, the problems people experience in life aren’t too different from place to place. However, the context is.
San Francisco is an industry town. Even if you don’t work in tech, like me, the industry casts a shadow on the city and affects aspects of life here. Sometimes, knowing what it’s like here can be important.
My path did briefly lead me through the tech industry when I consulted with a mental health adjacent start-up. One day, our new CTO called everyone on the team together for a meeting. The first thing he said was, “The main thing I want you to take away from this meeting is that OKRs are not KPIs.” I don’t know if a therapist elsewhere in California would get what that meant.
San Francisco already had changed a lot when I came here more than 17 years ago, and it feels very different now.
San Francisco is more than just tech, and it’s hard to survive here if you’re not making a tech industry-level salary. That’s part of the Bay Area too. Even if you don’t work in tech, you might be watching this city change because of it and grappling with what that means.
I’m looking out the window of a coffee shop here near Haight Ashbury as I write this. There’s a tie-dye like rainbow mural on the wall across the street, and there’s five other people working on laptops inside here. A Waymo just drove by all by itself. Just need someone here to be wearing Google Glass, or talking about their Burning Man camp, and it would be a whole San Francisco history lesson exhibit.
I don’t think you need a therapist who’s had all the same experiences to help, but sometimes it’s nice when someone has a similar frame of reference.
Interview Your Future SF Therapist
The best place to start is interviewing a few different therapists to get a sense of their style, approach, and, for lack of a better word, “vibe.” I, and the other therapists I work with, offer a 20 minute free consultation so you can get a sense of how we work.
At San Francisco Therapy Group, we’re a small group practice of clinicians with a range of specialties and interests. We take an individualized approach to therapy, so it looks different for each person. We believe that understanding the “why” behind what you’re feeling will help guide us to actionable steps to take. We’re fundamentally committed to making sure you get the help you need – If we aren’t the right fit, we’ll connect you with someone we think will be.
It can be overwhelming to know where to start. You can find therapist names by Googling, searching psychologytoday.com, or asking in your network. I’d recommend you start with 3-5 people who look good to you based on their websites or profiles.
When you talk to a prospective therapist on the phone, you’re mainly looking for vibes and red flags. Most therapists, or at least, all the ones I know, are professional and competent. Though, I’ve heard tales of therapists who aren’t, so I assume they are out there.
Look Up Your Future Therapist on Google
It can also be a good move to Google a therapist you find on a directory site like Psychology Today and read their practice page. Some profiles on Psychology Today are from services or other things and may not be posted by the therapist themselves. In any case, it can give you a bit more insight into someone you might want to work with.
If you like the initial consultation, schedule a session with the therapist. The first meetings with the therapist should give you a better feel for whether they are a good fit for you. If, after three appointments, you don’t feel like the vibes are right, move on.
Don’t stick with a therapist you don’t like. Any therapist, even a very good one, isn’t going to be a great fit for everyone, and we therapists know this. So don’t feel bad about bouncing. It happens, and most therapists will be happy to provide you with a referral to someone else who might be a better fit.
Final Thoughts
If you’re looking for therapy in San Francisco or anywhere in the Bay Area, we’d be glad to talk with you.
You can get a feel for our therapists’ style and see if it’s a good fit. Finding the right support matters more than anything else. If you’ve been wondering whether therapy could help, I would encourage you to try. The risk is pretty low, you can stop if you want, and the potential benefit is a meaningful change in your life.
Reach out today, and let’s see how we might work together to create the space you need to feel more grounded, hopeful, and yourself in the middle of this city we call home.
